everything is in His hand

salam. i'd just finished my final exam. final exam for mbbs year 1. i almost cant believe it. alhamdulillah i'm still alive up to this point. i wouldnt say this exam was a good one. i'd tried my best and put all my efforts in the 2-weeks study leave. and during the 1st paper, i just totally tawakal to Him and i guess everything would be fine. not until few hours after the paper. by then, every questions kept coming back to me. especially those that i didnt answer correctly. i was disappointed and would say i lost my hope for a while. i was asking myself, 'i had totally tawakal to Him but then why my exam was really bad. perhaps your effort is really directly proportional to your result. ' astaghfirullah.

for my 2nd paper, i gave my best efforts. i gave it all out. spending every second with books and disrupted sleeping pattern. and somehow, the sense of tawakal and dependency to Him wasnt really there. i felt confidence when i enter the exam hall not because of Him but my efforts. astaghfirullah. the 2nd paper was quite okay though. upon finishing the exam, i just didnt feel that it's right. why did i work so hard? is it really because of islam or result? no matter how rich we are, how excellent our result is, we're all have one thing in common. we're created and born to be His servants. if we spend our whole life to achieve other things except our purpose of being here on this earth that had been determined by Our creator, then what is the significance? it's indeed a great failure.

from my eyes, the concept of tawakal is really not about fully submit yourself to Him and expect the outcome would be the one that you like the most. it's about fully submission to Him and put all your efforts and believes that what He had set is the best for us though we might not like it. and we shoud even tawakal before we make any efforts. just like the birds which go out in the morning with nothing but returning back to the nest with foods for their children. so everything is in His hand.insyaAllah =)

وَرِضْوَنٌ مِّنَ اللَّهِ أَكْبَرُ ذَلِكَ هُوَ الْفَوْزُ الْعَظِيمُ

...But the greatest bliss is the good pleasure of Allah. That is the supreme success. (9:72)