between responsibility and capability

This evening I had my practical and my lab partner was an Australian.

As he is a guy, for sure I would feel a bit awkward, but the practical went well anyway. Alhamdulillah. After he went out, I'd realized something. What if my actions made him feel that Islam is not for him? What if he feels that having a religion is just so restricting? And perhaps others would feel that way too. I was taken aback for a while and for the first time in my life, I feel so guilty and sinful. I carry the title 'muslim' but I make the non-muslims run away from getting to know islam.i give them bad and wrong impression towards islam. I claim that I love islam wholeheartedly but where's the proof? I haven't contributed anything for islam for the past 20 years of my life. Allah has given me so many things yet I never do anything for Him and islam. I am ashamed of myself. I carried this feeling until isya' prayer.

After having this conflict within myself, I finally asked for my friends' opinions. Hajar said that even being a good muslim is already contributing to islam. Ensure your behaviour (akhlak) is good. take care of your relationship with Him as the definition of islam itself is submission of oneself towards Allah swt. It's a personal relationship between you and Him. Farah then added that a muslim has such responsibilty, but perform it within your capabilty. He knows the best of your capabilty.

لاَ يُكَلّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلاَّ وُسْعَهَا

"Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope." (2:286)

After achieving that, then you can go further to the next step. Step by step. For now, show good examples to those around you first. insyaAllah, you can take bigger steps later on. Then I realized you can never run before you can walk. You can run faster if you can walk properly first. Your dakwah in the future will be more effective if you improve yourself first. To change the world, change yourself first.