an unforgettable night

as i was reading the anatomy of larynx and epiglottis just now, this painful memory appeared back.

the memory of a 7 years old boy who had almost choked (well, that's why larynx reminded me of him)

it was late at night. the small, innocent boy was chit-chatting with my aunt about his daily routines. about his father. his abusive father. his always-drunken father. and also about his tough mother who had gone through lots of sufferings. it was midnight and he was about to sleep in my room. in the meantime, his mother was fighting with cancer in a hospital ward. with already-spreaded cancer. the cancer had spreaded to her spine and under her skin. the cancer was everywhere.

it was 5am in the morning. and the phone rang. i heard my mum talking downstairs.

"dia dah meninggal," that was all i could heard. those words struck my heart. inalillah wa ina ilaihi raji'un. and he was still sleeping soundly.

just about few hours ago i met his mother in the hospital. she was asking for more and more painkillers. she was crying in agony.

and now, her soul had departed from her body. may He always bless her.

كُلُّ نَفْسٍ ذَآئِقَةُ الْمَوْتِ وَنَبْلُوكُم بِالشَّرِّ وَالْخَيْرِ فِتْنَةً وَإِلَيْنَا تُرْجَعُونَ
"Everyone is going to taste death, and We shall test you with evil and with good by way of trial. And to Us you will be returned" (21:35)

the boy was still dreaming in his sleep. dreaming of a beautiful and peaceful life that other children enjoyed. the life that was not his. at the age of 7, he was left with a 5 years old brother and an abusive father. the father that was far away from islam.

i could still remember that day vividly. he was crying out loud beside his mother's burial ground. while his little brother still didnt understand anything. she had always been their shelter. the shelter from their own father. they laughed together. they ran together. they hid together from the father. and now the patient and tough mother had returned back to her Lord.

their father won the parental custody and the two innocent brothers were back to their luxurious yet soulless home. may they always be tough. may He protect and guide them always. insyaAllah. aminn.

وَالضُّحَى - وَالَّيْلِ إِذَا سَجَى - مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلَى - وَلَلاٌّخِرَةُ خَيْرٌ لَّكَ مِنَ الاٍّولَى - وَلَسَوْفَ يُعْطِيكَ رَبُّكَ فَتَرْضَى - أَلَمْ يَجِدْكَ يَتِيماً فَآوَى -
وَوَجَدَكَ ضَآلاًّ فَهَدَى - وَوَجَدَكَ عَآئِلاً فَأَغْنَى - فَأَمَّا الْيَتِيمَ فَلاَ تَقْهَرْ - وَأَمَّا السَّآئِلَ فَلاَ تَنْهَرْ - وَأَمَّا بِنِعْمَةِ رَبِّكَ فَحَدِّثْ

"By the forenoon. By the night when it darkens. Your Lord has neither forsaken you nor hates you. And indeed the Hereafter is better for you than the present. And verily, your Lord will give you so that you shall be well-pleased. Did He not find you an orphan and gave you a refuge. And He found you unaware and guided you. And He found you poor and made you rich. Therefore, treat not the orphan with oppression. And repulse not the one who asks. And proclaim the grace of your Lord. " (93:1-11)

always be thankful to Him for what you have as there are many others out there who can only dream for things that you'd got.

when 1 + 1 = B

salam. yesterday there was a doctor sharing his experiences of being a rural doctor. then, i observed that australians are just optimistic and really enthusiastic in their work. not to mention their level of confidence and thinking skill. they value opinions and respect differences. they love to smile and no matter how high their position are, they never belittle you.

and how all these sound so perfect and holistic while they are not even muslims? and why we often see muslims fighting with each other? and even the salesgirl could almost ruin our day with her super gloomy expression. while some people could not even bother what do you have to say. well, dont get me wrong. i am not saying these differences appear because the title 'muslim' that we carry. Rasulullah saw and his companions are muslims and their actions and behaviours are superb.

i'm just curious why non muslims have the criteria of a muslim. perhaps, this is due to their upbringing and mentality. while we as muslims know our destination (ie paradise) and goal of life yet we dont have features needed to achieve it. on the other hand, they have everything needed yet they dont use them in the way that Allah wants.

let me give you an analogy. lets consider two boys; one is given 100 000 aud and another is only given 10aud. however the second boy is so keen to buy a car though he doesnt have enough money. but the first boy doesnt even bother to buy anything beneficial. hence, the second boy worked hard everyday to achieve his goal while the first boy spend the money recklessly. he went to pubs everyday and bought lots of drinks and eventually his money was wasted just like that. at the end of the day, he doesnt get anything beneficial from 100 000aud (except his liver disease of course)

the same thing goes for us. we might a bit upset of not having such perfect features but they are all the things that we can develop. that we can earn through years of hardships. and we know our efforts wont be wasted just like that. they are all recorded. they are all used to buy our properties in jannah. insyaAllah.

وَوُضِعَ الْكِتَـبُ فَتَرَى الْمُجْرِمِينَ مُشْفِقِينَ مِمَّا فِيهِ وَيَقُولُونَ يوَيْلَتَنَا مَا لِهَـذَا الْكِتَـبِ لاَ يُغَادِرُ صَغِيرَةً وَلاَ كَبِيرَةً

إِلاَّ أَحْصَاهَا وَوَجَدُواْ مَا عَمِلُواْ حَاضِرًا وَلاَ يَظْلِمُ رَبُّكَ أَحَدًا

"And the Book will be produced, and you will see the criminals, fearful of that which is therein. They will say: "Woe to us! What sort of Book is this that leaves neither a small thing nor a large thing, but has recorded it with numbers!'' And they will find all that they did, present, and your Lord treats no one with injustice." (18:49)

as long as we have the determination, we can improve to be a better person. and we could certainly channel all those features of a perfect muslim to the right way. the way that Allah swt had ordered us to do. insyaAllah. aminn.

Verily, Allah orders justice and kindness, and giving (help) to the relatives, and He forbids immoral sins, and evil and tyranny. He admonishes you, so that perhaps you may take heed. (16:90)

And say to My servants that they should say those words that are best. (Because) Shaytan verily, sows a state of conflict and disagreement among them. Surely, Shaytan is to man a plain enemy (17:53)

what is your culture?

salam. in year 2 we have a subject called Rural, Remote, Indigenous and Tropical Health (RRITH). one of the activities in our Guided Learning Session today is to name our own culture and state out principles underpinning it. that aint too hard for me. i know my culture. it has always been islam. i know what my life is all about and what it demands from me. and i know reasons of my actions.

however, i noticed that other students especially Australians have some difficulties to name their culture and state out its principles. they do not know what kind of life do they involve in since the past 20 years. they do not know what is their stand, their own rules and regulations in life. it's hard for them to identify their culture as everything has already mixed up.

that's really an advantage of being a muslim. you know who you are and you know certainly where are you heading. all with the guidance from Allah SWT. insyaAllah. aminn.

"Allah is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The parable of His Light is as a niche and within it a lamp: the lamp is in a glass, the glass as it were a star Durriyyun, lit from a blessed tree, an olive, neither of the east nor of the west, whose oil would almost glow forth, though no fire touched it. Light upon Light! Allah guides to His Light whom He wills. And Allah sets forth parables for mankind, and Allah is All-Knower of everything." (*24:35)

Freeze. Breath. Repent

salam. sometimes we are just too busy. too busy reading that final page of anatomy textbook. too busy thinking of the next post in our blog. too busy replying photo comments in facebook. too busy thinking of what others might think of us. too busy listening to teh lyric a nasheed.

let's stop for a moment.

freeze.

take a deep breath. be grateful to Him for still giving us the chance to breath.

close your eyes and think of your wrongdoings today. things that He doesnt like. then, repent.

ask for His forgiveness. He is indeed the All-Forgiving.

sometimes we are just too busy and excited to tell others about Him and islam. till we forgot about ourselves. we are busy to strengthen others' iman till we forgot ours. you are you own murabbi and mutarabbi. if you find yourself do not improve as a mutarabbi, then your task as a murabbi has failed. and how can you touch others' hearts when you even fail to touch yours.

so , let's freeze, breath and repent.

insyaAllah, He'll open the door for you. aminn.

"That He (Allah) may make what is thrown in by Shaytan a trial for those in whose hearts is a disease and whose hearts are hardened. And certainly, the wrongdoers are in an opposition far-off (from the truth). And that those who have been given knowledge may know that it (this Qur'an) is the truth from your Lord, so that they may believe therein, and their hearts may submit to it with humility. And verily, Allah is the Guide of those who believe, to the straight path." (22:53-54)